'til death do us part

reopen my wounds
i've stitched closed long ago.
now, i want you there,
i see the fool that i am.

there is a hole under me,
i haven't fallen in yet.
i still feel it there, deepening.
it takes all of my will not to go in,
i hope i'll see you on the other side
of that endless chasm my mind has conjured,
but you've already seen me through so much
and i won't come back out the same this time.

deep in that hole a part of me looks out,
i will never look in it's eye,
it will stare me down forever.
and i am an animal again,
brought back thousands of years,
just so i don't have to think about you,
and our problems,
and everything that is,
and how everything was us.

now,
it's a cold day in the winter and i can't find any food.
there is no cave for me to sleep in.
my cubs have grown and gone far away,
i'm tired and the stream is frozen.
everyone else is tucked away for the storm
and i've lived so many winters before this,
and heard so many pretty birds sing,
but in this existence,
i never heard you sing.
i lay down in the snow and look death in it's eye for the last time
and it welcomes me. and i welcome it.
we shake hands and we embrace,
i feel its warmth up until the moment i am no longer myself,
and it's love i've never felt before,
not since you.
the bear mother is left behind in the snow,
in that moment i become myself.
and she dies without your breath of life.

i'm welcome to death after i've lost you.
this body never knew you, and it dies unaware
of every moment we spent sleeping together,
every time you looked in my eyes and told me you'd love me 'til we're dust,
she never knew that love and she died happy.
i'll live a thousand more lives and each one i'll find you in it,
and you'll tell me the same things,
and someday i'll leave you,
and live every day after wondering why,
the gods had woven us together.
i depend on you like i am a parasite,
eternally, it is ever lasting love,
and it always kills me after i lose you.
i'll always die knowing you were the right one,
just at the wrong time, over and over again,
and it's no tragedy when it's fate.
every time i'm born i feel like i know you already.
i already knew you when i was born, and i knew you when i died
and i knew you every moment in between.